I’ve received a lot of requests to do a SIMPLY WRITING post on pacing, and I promise, this is something I’ll definitely address in the future. But as a codicil to that post, I’d like to address an issue that contributes to slower paced writing, something I’ve seen in quite a few WIPs lately—mine included!
The less than mighty ‘AS’.
Why do I mark this seemingly nondescript word with such a diminutive label? Because this reference—the less than mighty—is the effect the word ‘as’ wages on our writing. But first, before we get caught up in the ‘why nots?’, let’s explore the context in which the ‘as’ is less than mighty.
Here, I’m talking about a sentence which is two actions linked by ‘as’. In this case, ‘as’ becomes what is called a ‘conjunction’. This is a joining word or ‘gluing word’.
Example:
Ouch! I tripped, slamming my knee into the ground as a dog zipped across my path.
Here’s a great example of the detrimental effect of using the conjunction ‘as’ in our writing. In this case, this is what could be termed as a CAUSE AND EFFECT sentence.
CAUSE: A dog zipped across my path.
EFFECT: I tripped, slamming my knee into the ground.
So, how is it that such a little word can cause such big problems in our writing?
Can anyone spot the problem with the above example?
This sentence structure poses two problems:
- Our CAUSE sentence comes after the EFFECT sentence—essentially these two events are written out of chronological order.
- In a situation where impact is the key, the weight of our CAUSE sentence is weakened.
Let’s revisit our example and see what happens if we delete the ‘AS’.
Example:
Ouch! I tripped, slamming my knee into the ground as a dog zipped across my path.
BECOMES
A dog zipped across my path. I tripped, slamming my knee into the ground. Ouch!
See how this example makes chronological sense now? It has impact and has logic. It’s also tidier and less cumbersome for the reader.
Let’s visit another example:
The kids cheered as George kicked his third goal.
Think about this sentence. Think about the events outlined in this here and whether they make sense as is.
What would this look like if we remove the ‘as’?
George kicked his third goal. The kids cheered.
What do you think?
Now, it’s your turn.
Rework the following sentences by eliminating the conjunction ‘as’:
Sheree jumped as thunder ripped through the night sky.
The car skidded to a halt as Jack slammed on the brakes.
The cat squealed as Toby stood on her tail.
Glass shattered and the wild winds swept through the room as a brick slammed through the window.
Buddy barked as I grabbed his lead for our morning walk.
I made for the passenger’s side of Dan’s car, sliding in as he turned the ignition and the paltry engine roared to life.
How did you go? Can you feel how much tighter, how much stronger these sentences become once you remove the ‘as’?
And that’s all folks!
I hope you’ve found this month’s post helpful ☺ Who knows, hopefully I’ve helped increase the pace of your writing, even if by just a little. If you have any questions, make sure you post them in the comments beneath the blog and I’ll be sure to get back to you. Or if you have any examples where you’ve used ‘as’ and have reworded the sentence to increase your pacing, please post them too!
Firstly, thank you all for coming back this month. I really appreciate every one of you reading, commenting and sharing my posts.
And, there’s no better time than now to announce last month’s winner for the 30 minute skype session:
Drum roll . . .
And the winner is:
DANIELLE LINE!!!
Congratulations Danielle. Please email me on info@michelle-somers.com to discuss redeeming your skype session.
And if you haven’t won yet, don’t despair. Once again this month, I’m offering one lucky commenter a half hour skype session to discuss anything writing related. It could be your query, your synopsis or 300 words from your current work in progress. Yes, you heard right. We get to chat, face-to-face—or computer screen to computer screen—about whatever it is about your writing you’d like to discuss.
To enter the draw, please comment below and share the most surprising or useful thing you’ve learned since reading my Simply Writing blogs. Any ideas on what you’d like to see featured on future blogs will be gratefully received. Or perhaps you’d like to share how you’ll start to incorporate a more active voice into your current WIP.
Any and all comments welcome! I love reading your feedback and input each month ☺ and much as this blog isn’t set up for notifications, I always ALWAYS answer your comments. So make sure you pop back to check my replies ☺
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A name will be drawn in time for next month’s blog so please pop back next month to see if you’re a winner ☺
Thanks so much to you all for stopping by. Have a fabulous month, and I’ll see you all again in December ☺
Michelle xx